Saturday, May 29, 2010

Interpreting the dhaasu tweets of Salman Khan

A long time ago, when there was no twitter, you got your news about celebs from newspapers, magazines or TV channels. But then the brave, the tech savvy, the curious celebs got on twitter. They reached out to their fans. Their fans loved it. They lapped it all up. Word got out - the friends of celebs slowly got their feet wet. A trickle of Bollywood celebs started showing up on twitter.

As is the case in the movie industry, you are either with the latest trend or you are a dehati. And so it was that the trickle turned into a torrential downpour as hasti after hasti got on twitter and started tweeting.

Karan Johar was the first big celeb to take twitter seriously. Priyanka Chopra brought her sparkling personality to the micro-blogging platform and became an instant fan favorite. The arrival of Shahrukh Khan was met with much exuberence from fans and fellow celebs alike.

But then the big guy himself decided to crash the party. Under the twitter id of BeingSalmanKhan, Bollywood's big star listed himself as 'film actor, artist, painter, humanitarian' and opened his khaata with this tweet: "Arbaaz ne kaha ke tweet kar toh banta hai boss".

Mixing pictures taken from his cell phone with wisecracks, Hinglish and a unique yaar-dildaar sense of humor, Salman Khan is now my favorite celebrity on twitter. My love for his lunkhead charm can now be indulged on a daily basis.

Yet, sometimes Salman can get obtuse. His tweets can be misunderstood. Because I'm so keen that like me all of you love Salman's tweets - I'm translating some of his greatest verbal emissions as a public service.

Here are Salman's dhaasu tweets, interpreted (in no particular order).

Tweet: K k is nt on twitter . Kanishk tweet me your sister,s num . Vil spk to her

Translation: While the cat is away, the mouse wants to play

Tweet: Hahahaha amazing response to my last tweet , most of u hv sent it bak to me , hahah , think it,s v funny n sweet . Jst fr that vil sho pic

Translation: I'm easy to please, I'll take my shirt off now

Tweet: Waking up n smelling the coffee , n u?

Translation: I'm writing in metaphors, get it?

Tweet: Arbaaz ne kaha ke tweet kar toh banta hai boss

Translation: Yes, I talk in real life like I do on on my TV show Dus Ka Dum

Tweet: Thy will tell their frds n children b whtver u wna b bt dnt b lik salman khan. Ab socho nthin btr than growin up well.

Translation: People want to be like me, but won't admit it

Tweet: Hou vaj yaur eggjaam pleej dount phail , engliss ij a bherry phunney languez , jst packed up , hw was your day?

Translation: Behold! My earthy sense of humor

Tweet: gonna go to sleep nw hv to wake up at 6 am n work all day n nite . Sleep well take care , aaj tak ka bus aab nw vil wait till kal tak , t c

Translation: I have a busy life and I work hard

Tweet: Coffee vit milk or black ? Suggar or no suggar ? Arre jaldi bolo hv to go n shoot fr dabangg .

Translation: I still haven't figured out the small things in life

Tweet: This tweeting is free kya ?

Translation: Where there is a deal there is a desi

Tweet: Tweetak tweetak tweetiya i lv u

Translation: I've had a drink. Or three.

Tweet: Tweetar ke do aagey tweetar tweeter ke do peechey tweetar aagey tweetar peechey tweetar arrey bolo kitney tweetar??!

Translation: I just had another drink and I'm getting REALLY creative.

Tweet: U wanna kill sm 1 thn kill him fr sure but vit your work , kaam se maro , that's the only way n the best way killed the person n no jail hah

Translation: Remember what I did to Viviek Oberoi? Well, I don't.

Tweet: Live fr sm u wanna die 4

Translation: I am good with oxymorons

Tweet: Jaago mohan pyare

Translation: This is how dhaasu people like me say Good Morning

Tweet: Future depend on wat u hv dn in your past n wat u doing in your present, dnt wnt 2 hear that lst my job cs of tweeting or failed cs twtng sk

Translation: Stop whining everyone and take responsibility! Like everyone else in Bollywood

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