Baahubali vs Bajrangi Bhaijaan

Source: Box office India

Q. Bajrangi Bhaijaan was seen as the biggest blockbuster of Salman Khan but an opening of 26 crore has to called a disappointment?

Ans. It is probably meant biggest grosser which it be. The fact is that Salman Khan is unlikley to give a bigger blockbuster than Hum Aapke Hain Kaun. You never say never but these sort of blockbusters come to very few and the rare stars that get such a blockbuster do not repeat it. As far as the opening goes it was Pre Eid and the real value of the opening is on par with Dhoom 3 which in real value is the biggest opening in recent times.
M. Sikdar

Q. Baahubali grossed 150 crore in its first weekend and Bajrangi Bhaijaan did 105 crore. Does this not show the real value of Bajrangi Bhaijaan which is being called a blockbuster and a great film?

Ans. This is like comparing houses with cars. Box Office numbers are generally inflated but there is a degree to that inflation. There are highly inflated numbers and others which are less inflated. Here is one number which is near actuals and another which is highly inflated so comparison is pointless. Basically Bajrangi Bhaijaan is the highest weekend for a film in one language and the second highest in multiple languages after Dhoom 3. Baahubali has also done incredible business but the numbers going around are much higher than its actual business.
S. Raghavan

Q. Does Drishyam have a chance at the box office?

Ans. It is totally dependent on the word of mouth but even if word of mouth is strong the business will be limited as the film looks like a regional film.
Keshav Kumar

Q. Will Bajrangi Bhaijaan have to beat the business of PK to be and All Time Blockbuster?

Ans. An All Time Blockbsuter is not record gross holder but just a film that is a lot bigger than the regular blockbuster. A film may beat PK in 3 years time but that does not mean its an All Time Blockbsuter because business will be generally higher. It will depend what the final Bajrangi Bhaijaan shares are and how the territories finish up. Easiest way to sum it is if it does not cross PK in any circuit in India then it won't be an All time Blockbuster because its not as if PK set records by distances that films like Sholay and Hum Aapke Hain Kaun did.
A. Farooq

Witch Hunting Of Salman Khan – The Media Style

From Koimoi.com by Manjusha Patil

Since the day of Salman Khan’s conviction and subsequent bail, the media had gone berserk in covering it and commenting upon it. Those with a platform to scream and shout were doing so to their heart’s content. The rest were using every possible opportunity in traditional or social media to make vicious attacks on him in the garb of sympathy for the poor or concern for the judicial system in India.

Every freelance journalist/columnist was giving lessons in morality and shedding tears for people he/she didn’t care about for the last 13 years. The suit was followed on the social media as well. It was not a coincidence. The outrage was being engineered. The sudden concern for everything that is bad with the Indian judicial system also, was deliberate and timed for a particular purpose. Media’s conduct in all this was highly objectionable and condemnable to say the least.

Media chose to selectively inform, misinform, mislead and criticize baselessly. They arranged debates on wrong premises and tried putting words in people’s mouths. Some media houses ran twitter hash tags that were sure to invoke strong ‘for & against’ views. It was actually an exercise in unnecessary maligning of the man as the ‘against’ brigade was bound to go ballistic.

They used Salman’s name and popularity to gain TRPs & eyeballs and then dished out the spun, warped reports and opinions to this increased viewership and readership, to denigrate him further. They had been at it for years and this verdict provided an opportunity to take it to a new level.

Let’s see a few tricks that were being played for a while and some new ones.

The Power of Repetition - First and foremost, they termed it as a ‘Hit and Run’ case and ‘drunk driving’ case even before all the details were out and even before the trial started. For the last 13 years, they freely referred to Salman Khan as the person ‘who killed people sleeping on the pavement with his reckless, drunk driving’. They had given their verdict even before the trial started and this constant reference for years affected people in such a way that everybody started taking it for granted.

Many a times, accident was described in such a fashion as if the reporter were inside the car when everything happened. On what basis and with what authority they were doing it is anybody’s guess. But the result of this ceaseless repetition is such, that now even if it is proven beyond doubt and with clinching arguments that Salman was not driving the car and was not drunk; people will find it hard to believe.

The inordinate delay – Media harped a lot about the delay without mentioning even once that this is how Indian courts work and a verdict coming after 15-20 years is no big deal. Suggesting and letting people think that the delay has been caused by the defense suited them better. They also did not bother to talk about statements like this one from victim Abdullah Rauf  Shaikh who has said on record, “During the course of case there was no attempt to bribe me by any one, to change or to rehash my statement. Police called me according to the dates and I went and gave my statement whenever I was asked to. There was no pressure, I said what I saw and experienced. My statement was never tampered with.”

 Apart from Abha Sing’s empty claims, there was nothing they could show as an effort from Salman’s side to cause a delay. Yet, they didn’t stop suggesting that the defense has purposely delayed the case.

Ten Years’ Imprisonment - Once the clause of culpable homicide not amounting to murder was added and fresh trial started in 2012, they deliberately started mentioning 10 years imprisonment everywhere. The much discussed clause IPC 304 (II) also has the option of only fine as the punishment. The punishment could be 0 to 10 years of imprisonment, a fine or a combination of both and not only 10 years imprisonment as hammered by the media. This provision of fine was not mentioned at all. Every single time if there was even a passing mention of the case, they made it a point to say that Salman can face up to 10 years of jail term. Then the words ‘up to’ slowly disappeared and he was ‘facing a 10 year jail term’. All this made people believe that if convicted he is going to be sentenced to a 10 year jail term. So, when the five years’ sentence came which itself was harsh, people felt it was less and a favor is being done to Salman Khan.

The Bail drama - It was pretty clear that the case was going to the High Court. Yet, they ran stories of how Bollywood is going to be affected and created an atmosphere that made people believe, it’s all over for Salman khan and now he is going to spend five years in jail. Salman’s was obviously a fit case for bail and he was going to get the bail sooner or later. Even though his bail was a result of preparedness and swift action of his lawyers, they made the bail itself look like a gross injustice. It was discussed incessantly and despite assurances by the lawyers that there is nothing irregular about it, the TV anchors and press reporters did not budge from their stand. They ran provocative headlines when they knew there is nothing unusual about both the things. And then the entire line of reporting was fashioned like this. They tried to give a feeling of common man being wronged which evoked just the reaction that they wanted.

Problem of Undertrials without bail – This problem was mentioned time and again to convince people that it is a grave injustice to grant bail to Salman. The fact is these undertrials can’t get bail as they don’t have money to pay for the bail bond. This is an age old problem and nobody can do anything about it apart from may be paying that money for them. If this problem is to be made the basis of any decision of granting bail, then nobody in India would get bail, ever. Media used the problem of undertrials to the hilt by giving only partial information in a suitable manner and made people get really angry with Salman’s bail.

The truth of compensation and helping the victims - They kept shouting about victims not being compensated. They chose not to mention or hide the fact that after the accident, HC had ordered Salman to pay Rs. 19 lakhs as compensation to the victims which he promptly deposited with the government. (The kin of the deceased did not get compensation as they were fighting among themselves and their share still lies with the govt.) Most importantly, HC instructed Salman not to give any further help or contact the victims as they might get influenced. He was stopped from helping Ravindra Patil for the same reason. Media knew the exact status of compensation and also knew why Salman’s hands were tied yet they kept going on and on about how he has not helped the victims in the last 13 year.

Curious case of Ravindra Patil - Just before the verdict was to be announced, the story making a hero out of Ravindra Patil suddenly appeared out of nowhere and started circulating widely without anybody bothering to verify. The fact is Ravindra Patil changed his initial statement and added the detail of Salman being drunk to his new statement given later. According to some sources, he was indeed under pressure but it pertained to involving Salman khan and not the opposite. Patil’s testimony, his absence from hearings, his running away and his being abandoned by his family are actually a matter of separate investigation and not a black and white story as depicted by the media. Media not only portrayed Ravindra Patil as a hero but also tried to make people believe that Salman was responsible for his death.

How dare you ‘Sympathize with a criminal’? -  Salman got a considerable support and sympathy from many quarters as the sentence looked harsh and dismissive of even the valid defense arguments. People who knew Salman closely obviously expressed their shock and support on twitter. Unfortunately, Abhijeet and Farah Khan Ali tweeted something stupid and the media pounced upon this chance to dismiss all the sympathy from Bollywood as that of heartless, insensitive and selfish people.

If a brother, a friend, a dear colleague or somebody one knows well, likes or respects happens to be in such a situation, anybody will react the same way. But this basic fact was not recognized. Abhijeet and Farah Khan Ali cannot be considered representatives of Bollywood by any parameter yet media insisted it was so. Every sympathetic reaction was pushed in the same category as these two and then the entire fraternity was slammed. Sympathizing with Salman was equated with being indifferent to the accident victims even though these two things are not mutually exclusive. It was made to look like a sin and termed as siding with the ‘criminal’. This also applied to fans and other sympathizers. Anybody who was not showing a vicious glee for Salman’s sentence was shamed and slammed. This was more true of Print and social media.

Bringing up the past gossips – As if the negativity being generated with reference to the case was not enough, they kept talking about unrelated things in his past. These controversies in the past were actually baseless gossip spread by the media in the first place. And whether it was past or the present; the massive charity work that he does through Being Human and even outside of it, was not supposed to be talked about. Whenever the issue of charity was brought up by the fans and the sympathizers, it was dismissed or trivialized by the media people, especially on social media.

In short, Media made use of common man’s ignorance or obvious lack of knowledge about legal proceedings as well as other facts about the case and used it for working up a public opinion against Salman.

Their job was to state things as they are, report in a matter of fact manner and remain impartial even if they were inviting opinions from people. But they made it a point to spin it against Salman and engineer an outrage against him. When it came to reporting about the mood of public, they continued in the same vein and highlighted resentment more than the support and kept the campaign going. This applied to TV as well as the print media and internet. If we add the social media to it, it was nothing short of a witch hunt.

Sadly, even in future; a dispassionate, matter of fact reporting, intelligent debates by real experts and giving opinions in unbiased manner is going to be too much to ask for, as far as Salman’s case is concerned.

Link

Salman Khan: Bhai please thoda sa gaur farmaiye

by Piyush Dewan from Nacchgaana

I enjoyed Ek Tha Tiger. I am enjoying the fact that it may do great business and break records. I liked the effort and thought behind the movie- also the finesse and the restrained humor. Of screen I enjoyed Salman’s promotional interviews and his trips to TV (Jhalak Dikhlaaja might be epic too). But But But… I am not very happy.

I think Salman Khan is the best actor in India today. Yes actor. I have seen almost all his films and all the moments he creates on screen- his samajh, his pakad, his inventiveness, his confidence, his presence- all of it is unparalleled. But very few people are going to agree with me on this. Very few will agree with me objectively- mann se kaafi fans maan lenge yeh baat.

There are a few things that Salman said recently that I didn’t like at all-
1. I will do only action films
2. I don’t know which film to do next
3. It is sad that no film has broken 3 Idiots record in the last 3 years
4. Business is growing- screens are being added- collections are becoming more transparent
5. It is all black and white for me- emotion chalta hai ya nahin chalta hai. It is either good or bad.
6. I will always be larger than life- this is how I am.

Salman is stuck in a comfort zone now. And now that he has achieved a Demi-God Bhai status everywhere- in the industry too- his friends will not even try to break that comfort zone.

The other day I was watching Guide. I always wanted Salman to do a film like it. Dev Anand was hardly an actor but he still did it. Salman is far better in my opinion- but he won’t touch a story like Guide. I want him to do a film like Kabhie Kabhie. I want him to do a film like Anand. I want him to do a film like Mausam (old one), a film like Shakti, a film like Namkeen too. A film like Masoom he has already done- Jab Pyaar Kisi se Hota hai- and it is one of my fav Salman films

But he is now stuck in that high stakes business game where he will only do films that larger than life. I understand all his points about how he needs to please his fans. But bhai I am also your fan. 2 saal mein ek baar try to maaro. After this current streak of 5 solo blockbusters he is in a state to dictate, in a state to command. Ek aisi film bana do jo Anurag Kashyap so bata de ki honest aur acchi stories kya hoti hain. Ek aisi film jo Gulzar ko apne din yaad dila de. Ek aisi film jo yeh Alternate Cinema ke champions bane jo phirte hain un hein realize kara dein ki woh chutiye hain aur kuch nahin. Ek aisi film kar do bhai.

Yes do Dabangg, do Ek Tha Tiger- maybe also do a No Entry or a Kick. No worries. I enjoy them too. But saal mein ek chhoti se film so sirf ek kahaani ho- aur kuch nahin- with no worries about the box office- no worries about how fans would react- I want even the Anupama Chopra’s to take you seriously (and not treat you just as an experience). SHe is not worth it I know- but still… Once in a while do a film jis mein shor machane ka mann na kare. Cheekhne ka mann na kare. Seeti Bajane ka khayal bhi na aaye dimaag mein.

'Tum Se Hi' from Jab We Met

Goodbye Dev by Pritish Nandy

I grew up on the mean streets of Calcutta. It was a great city in those days, full of magic and excitement, and one of my big thrills at school was to save my two anna tiffin money to watch Hindi movies. The great stars were Dilip Kumar, Raj Kapoor, Dev Anand. Each had his own loyal following. And they would queue up days before a movie released, to buy tickets in advance. There was a counter for Advance Booking and fans, to mark their loyalty, would often stand in line for three days to buy a ticket for a First Day First Show. There was no black market, but yes, you could always find someone to stand in line for you if you gave him a free ticket. It was a big thing, the FDFS. It was your badge of loyalty. Many of us preserved those tickets.

Years later, when throwing away my FDFS tickets, largely of 10 anna denomination, I figured most of them were for Dev Anand movies. Dev was no actor. But, like Salman today, he was a style setter. His attitude defined the trend. His hair styled after the young Elvis with a puff on the forehead was the most popular style of the time. So was the way he kept his collar up, a mannerism that cricketers like Jaisimha and Azhar emulated in later years. Dev’s own hero was Gregory Peck and he copied Peck as shamelessly as we all copied him, including the endearing way in which Dev stretched out his arm with a limp wrist, his head cocked to one side. Dilip Kumar may have been the greater actor, Raj the bigger showman. But Dev was the hero. He was the star we loved, admired, aped, and tirelessly discussed in between geography and algebra.

Dev had a magic of his own and he eventually proved, by making Guide, that he was also an actor and a showman. Guide was one of Bollywood’s first attempts at making an international movie. Like all other such attempts before and after, it failed. It was based on a RK Narayan story. Nobel Prize winner Pearl Buck worked on its screenplay. Tad Danielewski directed the English version. Vijay Anand, the Hindi one. SD Burman scored its incredible music. It went on to win all the five top Filmfare Awards. But it never became the huge international movie Dev dreamt of. It broke his heart and he went back to making what he knew best: blockbusters like Jewel Thief and Johny Mera Naam.

When I came to Bombay in 1982, Dev was already struggling to be remembered. Raj had moved on to directing movies. Dilip Kumar was playing character roles. But Dev refused to age. He kept making movies, almost one a year, as a hero, much to the embarrassment of all those who loved and admired him. It was his ticket to timelessness, as he saw it. It was the only way he knew to fight mortality. We loved him for it; yet we grieved for him as well. For a new generation of movie watchers had long passed him by. Time is unforgiving. It was Bollywood’s worst kept secret that no one went to watch his movies any more. No one remembered Dev as the iconic hero he once was. He was but a tragic caricature of himself.

It is the tragedy of stardom. You must know when to quit. Few do. I loved Dev. I loved his movies. I loved their songs. Many of them went on to become classics, which means songs we adore but never listen to. SD was his favourite music director and Dev’s few admirers still around largely remember him by SD’s melodies. Many of these I still recall in moments of personal grief and loss. In moments like this when we grieve not just the death of a friend and a legend but also the passing of an era.

Dev Anand was actually gone long before he passed away. But no, he did not go gentle into the good night. Like all brave men, he fought, fought against the dying of the light. He was one of the loneliest people I knew. He craved for immortality. We gave him respect. But he didn’t give a damn for our respect. He didn’t want Lifetime Achievement Awards. All he wanted was adulation. And we had stopped giving him that a long time back.

http://blogs.timesofindia.indiatimes.com/extraordinaryissue/entry/goodbye-dev

The Fears and Disappointments of a FAN by Shalu

What does it mean to be a fan of an actor? To me it means the occasional euphoria and a series of disappointments. Sometimes I feel it is a curse to be a die-hard fan as it brings me much more heartburn than happiness.

I like a lot of actors but am a die-hard fan of Shahid Kapoor. Which means waiting for long periods for a new film of his since he does very few movies. And that is the least of my problems as a fan.

The real heartburn starts as soon as the promos of his upcoming film hit the screens / TV / internet. This means spending an enormous amount of time on youtube, twitter and other social networking sites (including NG) trying to get an idea of the audience reaction to the promos. A mostly positive feedback makes the sun shine brighter and negative feedback gives that horrible sinking feeling.

The beginning of the promos is also the beginning of the fear – the fear of the buzz not being good enough for a big opening weekend, the fear of the movie getting negative WOM. So each and every new promo brings its own excitement as well as more fear (and more internet surfing)

The best and worst time is when the release is only a couple of days away. The advance booking starts. This is the time of frantically checking out bookmyshow.com for the status of advance booking…..
Wednesday afternoon – nothing much happening!
Wednesday evening – is this all?!
Thursday morning – hmmmmm.
Thursday afternoon – this isn’t bad….or is it?
Thursday evening – oh God, what’s gonna happen tomorrow?!

Then the advance critics reviews start trickling in on twitter along with early audience reviews from places like Dubai and Fiji where the film releases a day or two early. One guy in Dubai called the movie a masterpiece! Yayyyy!! Wait……another guy just called it crap! Eeeks! Umm….not to worry…every movie has mixed WOM these days…haha!

The movie finally releases and boxofficeindia.com becomes as important as bookmyshow.com. How was the Friday morning opening? Did BOI say the word of mouth is mixed?! The agony of sitting in office all through Friday, frantically reading every critic and audience review that comes out with fingers permanently crossed. And then office is over and its straight to the neighbourhood theatre – its showtime!!

Or is it? The problem of being a die-hard fan is that one can’t even enjoy his/her favourite actor’s movie fully because half the senses are tuned to the reaction of the audience sitting around. Did they laugh at the right places? Are they involved with the movie? Is that idiot in the fourth row checking his mobile? Does that mean the movie is not able to hold his attention?

Somewhere in my heart of hearts I know when the movie is not up to the mark. But the hope of a fan doesn’t die. After all so many shitty movies go on to become hits, so why not this one? So its back to good old internet – now as eager to follow the box office figures of the movie as the audience feedback. A good opening makes me proud as if it is my personal achievement. A below-par booking has me looking for excuses that involves the drawbacks of everybody associated with the movie other than my favourite actor! So did the movie pick up in the Friday evening shows? Did it fall on Saturday or was it steady? Sunday is usually good but what about Monday?

Some films manage to be steady on Monday and that is the time when all the hard work of the last few months seems to pay off. The film has been accepted! But……more often than not, the movie drops on Monday and the secret fear turns into full blown disappointment. Now his market value will drop, his rivals will move ahead and leave him behind. Not to mention the ridicule I will face from my friends and colleagues for promoting the movie for ages. And of course the negative reviews on NG dripping with sarcasm and ridicule….

Yeah, being a die-hard fan is more hell than heaven. You should know – after all you have been reading this write-up with your favourite actor’s name in place of Shahid. Am I right or am I right? 

Lessons learned from Ra.One

From Naachgaana

So after following all the reviews, opinions, BO reports and most importantly after watching the movie myself, I wanted to create a lessons learned thread for Bollywood enthusiasts. My short review on the movie is that it seemed like an outdated govinda movie that had been in pipeline and they just wanted the product out without editing the movie or doing test screenings. Comedy was really flat and a Farah Khan choreography was missing to give the songs the value they deserved.

So, without further ado, here are the lessons learned from Ra. One

1) Never trust a film maker who shows you “portions” of the film.

2) Never trust a trade analyst who spends a day in bed with the film maker a week prior to release.

3) Never trust a regular director of the film maker who gives a glowing tweet on the movie on special screening.

4) Never trust a movie that gets Cameo’s added in the last few weeks.

5) Never trust a director who is a hypocrite when it comes to adult content in movies.

6) Never trust a film maker who hogs all the  screens on festive occasion by telling all other big films not to release with it.

7) The gap between SRK and Aamir in Prestige of their movies has widen so much that Aamir is seriously #1 to #5

8) 3Idiots is a phenomenon and no comparisons to this movie shall be made at least until second weekend of a release.

9) SRK can be bashed too. Even genuine fans have had enough manipulation.

10) SRK bought some media but not all the media , hence the backlash is apparent. (See Komal, Joginder and Taran’s negataivity articles)

11) Aamir was right in one famous interview when he said SRK is a PR person. It doesn’t take rocket science to see what SRK and team have been able to achieve with manipulations and paid trade analysts. Last word though “Public sab jaanti hai”

12) There are several ways to SPIN box office collections. The more favor (monetary or otherwise) for trade analysts, the favorable the SPIN.

13) All rumors are not rumors. (Some baba posted on NG a rumor that Ra.One has been getting thumbs down and something like efforts are on to collect as much in week 1. In retrospect, if that was a fluke, What a FLUKE !!! It turned out exactly that way)

14) Until MNIK, there were paid previews, by MNIK we saw paid reviews, and with Ra.one, we have seen Paid BO reports.

15) SRK as a film maker has proven to be so inferior than Aamir khan that a comparison is not even apt.

16) Lakhshmi pooja is a bigger villain than Ra.One for G.One (srk) and got more footage in the first couple of days than Ra.One

17) You can fool some people sometimes but not all the people all the time.

18) Shortcuts are only “shortcuts”.  Stars must learn to pick a good script.

19) Subsidy can make or break the film.

20) WOM is bigger than any 60 crore marketing campain, any 5 star reviews or any 170 crore gross collection articles.

Add your lessons learned, I am sure this can be a chapter in a Bollywood 101 book.

5 Complaints Against Ra.One [Review]

Ra.One was supposed to hit a triple home-run. Ra.One was supposed to melt me inside out with its massive scale and mindblowing shimmery effects. Ra.One was supposed to be not just good, but awesomely great, and pave the way for the future of Indian cinema to wake up and smell the digital coffee, rather than sit on that melodramatic Karwa-Chauth and Sagai flavoured couch. Of all the things, Ra.One did manage to possibly give a taster for the things that could be in the future. But at the end of it all, it falls way short of my expectations. Oh how much I wanted to like this movie, but even with the best of my efforts, this movie swings between the extremes of annoying slapstick and total wtf-ery. Of course there is a whole bunch of shit loaded in this vehicle which kept me engaged and entertained. Butthere is a whole bunch of absolute dog poo as well. The script is so flawed and mindless, that I can only facepalm at the thought that the talented makers spent almost 5 years to end up with a product like this. As a faithful consumer of this product, this is my open letter to the makers – Shahrukh Khan, Anubhav Sinha and the writers. Here are my 5 complaints against Ra.One.

P.S. I invite SRK fanbois and gals can actively protest and counter my points in the comments section.

**5 Complaints Against Ra.One**

1. K.I.S.S. (Keep It Simple, Stupid)

KISS is an engineering principle, followed by designers worldwide. So it is indeed such a shame to see the ‘designers’ of Ra.One screwing that principle, in the face. I don’t get what the point is when it comes to writing a simple and straightforward Good vs Evil script. Why would you wander off forcibly injecting unnecessary amounts of slapstick of the “BAD” kind. This is bloody 2011, and no one, absolutely no one enjoys humour of the ‘Rajendranath’ types. I don’t find it funny when SRK has curly hair to justify his Subramaniam lineage. I don’t find it funny when he has to eat curd with noodles. And seriously, what was that thing about Bebo’s thesis on Indian gaalis – in London? Was that a linguistic thesis? How difficult is it to focus on the Good vs Evil theme, by giving us more info about the background of Ra.One / G.One, rather than focussing on SRK’s parenting issues and crotch being hit by a football.

2. Consistency

The movie has a serious issue with consistency. On one hand, SRK’s Shekhar Subramaniam has an issue with being not-so-fluent in Hindi and also being bad with English pronunciation (That MJ impression was atrocious and whoever wrote that scene needs to have a career counselling done right away. Seriously dude, get a day job). But when it comes to delivering idioms to his beloved son Prateek, all of that goes straight out of the window. The man effectively delivers those lines like an Urdu Shaayar in a Lucknow Mushaayra.

Another point to be noted – WTF is this Ra.One game? Is it a simulator, to be played with those Mo-Cap gear, or is it like Virtua Fighter meets Mortal Combat? In the expo, when the game is released, or even when little Prateek gets an exclusive test run in the lab, he has the mo-cap gear on. But this is meant for wider public release on a gaming console – (there are PS3 and nVidia logos flying all across). How does that sum up? If it is indeed a Mo-Cap simulator like XBOX Kinect, then how the fuck did Prateek get a DVD, and start simulating the moves in his home PS3.

Finally, the H.A.R.T. is supposed to be a virtual thing, with no special physical significance. In the real world, it is just another glowing bulb. How does the divide between the real and virtual get bridged? No body cares a single fuck about explaining that to me. Speaking of which, in the final climax fight Level 3 – how the hell did Ra.One, G.One and Prateek go from being inside the lab to being teleported into a virtual map, with burning lava and all the explosions. And how the hell did Prateek get out of it. No answers!

3. Seriously, Lucifer ?!?

Speaking of Prateek, if your son has an online avatar by the name of Lucifer, you have some real thinking to do, than to try and impress him by creating an evil villain, or writing a thesis on Indian feminisation of swear words. This is a 10-11 year old we are talking about, who by the looks of it, likes Iron Maiden’s Eddie (which is great), MJ’s Bad (again great), but bullies around fat kids in the class. And we are supposed to root for him? If it was me, I’d get that little bastard bitch slapped in the face and teach some manners first.

Further, there is not even a moment spent on explaining Prateek’s genius in coding, and how a 10 yr old gets around with fiddling the source code of apparently a programme which has complex AI logic, when all we know of him is his ability to identify if a PC is connected to LAN or not. Logic fucked in the earhole.

4. Sanju and Piggy Chops.

Sanju Baba’s sleepwalking routine continues even outside his Housefull and Dhamaal movies, and in a brief cameo (thank God for that!), he shows how really really bad (in the worst way possible) can a Khalnayak be. And skimpily clad, lady in red Priyanka Chopra does nothing to make it look good. The whole dream sequence was just another ‘najaayaz’ opportunity to show off SRK’s packs.

5. The curse of Level 3

Finally, the mother of all complaints. This is supposed to be an awesome game, with an awesome villain. And it has just 3 levels. And oh, if you don’t have the HART, no one dies. How stupid of the villain to not have figured that out? Seriously, would you buy a game for say £40.00, with just 3 levels?

Besides, what is Ra.One’s motive?  To get even with Lucifer who kicked his ass in the first two levels. What will he do when he’s done killing Lucifer? What would then be his purpose? A bald Arjun Rampal roaming around streets of London, like a hungry Hobo, shooting red Rasengans. A hero is only as good as his villain. And with the limited menacing factor of Ra.One, G.One is reduced to just a techno baby sitter. Not a really good role for a superhero capable of jumping through roofs and shooting those Kapow energy balls.

Of course there are a few more complaints that’s burning up my mind.

#. Like what is with Satish Shah’s compulsive obsession with power yoga’s connection with the pelvic thrust?

#. All Chinese are not Jackie Chan..but this one knows Kung Fu..fo sho!

#. A gaming convention in London, and the lady (Shahana Goswami) addresses the audience in Hindi. And all my European mates nod in agreement. Also, this so called tech-aware junta get totally bowled over by a Hologram projection.

#. What is with the sheer amount of booty popping, booby groping, and crotch kicking? So many bruised bollocks!

To conclude, to me, Ra.One was a mixture of these complaints, and a string of other stuff which I quite liked. And hence, it is a mixture of some goodness and some absolute crap. I will be discussing the 5 awesome things about Ra.One in part 2 of the review. For the time being, comment away in the comments section below.

And just for the record – the OKS rating for the movie: 2.5 Condom Condom out of 5

http://www.oneknightstands.net/5-complaints-against-ra-one-review/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+OneKnightStands+%28One+Knight+Stands%29 

Excuses: Ra.One Box Office performance

1. Competition from Himesh Reshammiya’s Damadamm and Tell Me Oh Khudah. Movies like 3 Idiots, Dabangg and Bodyguard had no other movies for competition.

2. Diwali time – People are more busy celebrating the festival rather than seeing movies. Why would they want to see Ra.One when they have crackers to burst.

3. India – England cricket series – The crucial T20 matches meant audience preferred to watch that instead of see the movie.

4. Salman’s conspiracy – Salman made sure Dabangg was shown on TV so people chose to see it over Ra.One. how cruel of Salman.

5. Aamir’s conspiracy – Aamir let the news of his TV show just before Ra.One release. This was unfair on his part.

6. Expectations – Expectations were high from SRK after Blockbusters such as Bhootnath, Dulha Mil Gaya and My Name Is Khan. Audience should have proper expectations from a movie.

7. People just do not understand a great movie. It is all audience fault.

8. Weather — The weather this Diwali was not helpful on films. Some places it rained, some places it was too hot while some places it was too cloudy

Please feel free to add more to the comments section

Jokes on Ra.one

Some jokes and comments going around the net after the debacle of Ra.one

After not so great first day at the box office for his movie Ra.one, SRK decided to consult few well known astrologers, so here is what one said: He needs to add a alphabet B in the begining of the name of the movie and also needs to add a number 6, so after taking the recommendations the movie name looks some thing like this:

Bra.one in 36D

Another astrologer recommended alphate KAC in the movie name so it becomes KacRa.one

When Media person tried to contact SRK asking about the first day collections, his spokeperson said that he is busy dancing at Gautam Gambhir’s wedding in his G.one suit

Indian Government has decided to declared a public holiday on 26 Oct, celebrating the end of 9 months long Promotion of Ra.one

Indian government has announced the package of 2 crore rupee for all the people who watched Ra.one on the first day. Rahul Gandhi is personally going to visit the people who suffered headaches and went into depression after watching Ra.one

One of the person congratulated SRK on making Ra.one.. here is what he said: Thanks a million SRK… you have done to me what doctors and medicines cant do it for 15 years… you put me to sleep in 30 mins while watching Ra.one.

Ra.one recipe:

Add “100 gms of Robot” and “Toonpur ka Superhero”. Heat till emotions evaporate. Then add 3 spoons of vulgarity and 5 spoons of sense less jokes. Mix it for 2.5 hours. Ra-One is ready to be served.

SRK was watching the movie along with his son at his home… after 30 mins his son got up and started walking out, SRK asked him that where was he going… his son replied, TV pe Dabangg aa rahi hai, i am going to watch that.