I prefer calling it Tiger(ETT) - Salman Khan

Bollywood idol Salman Khan’s films are critic-unfriendly but his box office hold is becoming invincible. Take his latest blockbuster, Bodyguard: he plays Lovely Singh, a man who can leap from trains and bash up baddies single-handedly, all the while holding onto the helpless damsel with his free hand. Each blow he dishes out is accompanied by crackling sound-effects, making him out to be an indestructible force.

He’s even been bestowed the epithet of being Bollywood’s answer to Rajnikanth, the South Indian grand-daddy who oozes style while executing unbelievable on-screen antics.

But Khan, 46, shrugs off the title and says there can only be one Rajnikanth.

You have enjoyed a phenomenal run at the box-office with Bodyguard and Ready. How are you taking it all in?

Now that these films are a hit and have become a phenomenon, it feels good. But I have always believed never to expect anything till the audience haven’t give the go-ahead. If they haven’t liked your film, my efforts are useless. I may feel that I have made the best film on earth, spent ludicrous amounts of money [on it], but if the audience straight out rejects it, then what’s the point of it all?

I want the audience to go and enjoy my films. I don’t care for the rest.

How are you feeling health-wise after the surgery?

My health is fine, but I just need to take it easy for a while. The pain is gone, but the aneurism is still there. I am going back to the US soon for another check-up. If the aneurism is a size smaller, then we may have to take it off again.

Did you have to slow down because of the nerve problem?

I can’t slow down, even in the literal sense. In my next film, Ek Tha Tiger, I have to run really fast and kick really high. And since I had to begin shoot immediately after the surgery, I couldn’t take the rest that I was originally asked to take. But I feel good.

Ek Tha Tiger is creating a lot of buzz. Is it bigger and better than Bodyguard?

I don’t know about that. I prefer calling it Tiger, because when you translate it word by word it means “there was a tiger”. Somehow, it gives our audience the feeling that my character will die at the end of the film. But I won’t die.

You are being touted as the Rajnikanth of Bollywood. How do you take that?

No, that’s not true. Rajnikanth is in a different league altogether. I just try and do my bit. I try and select films that are good for me and based on what I would go and watch in a theatre personally.

Perhaps I have been lucky with it so far. But there may come a time when I may go a bit overboard with the action sequences and the audience may go: “Itna bhi nahi yaar, aisa kya thodi hota hai” [Not so much, pal, this is too much for us to digest]. And that film might not go down well with the audience.

Right now, I am holding on to the table as tight as I can and enjoying the run.

Would you call this the best phase of your career?

No. The best phase of my career is yet to come. I am not done here.

The Fears and Disappointments of a FAN by Shalu

What does it mean to be a fan of an actor? To me it means the occasional euphoria and a series of disappointments. Sometimes I feel it is a curse to be a die-hard fan as it brings me much more heartburn than happiness.

I like a lot of actors but am a die-hard fan of Shahid Kapoor. Which means waiting for long periods for a new film of his since he does very few movies. And that is the least of my problems as a fan.

The real heartburn starts as soon as the promos of his upcoming film hit the screens / TV / internet. This means spending an enormous amount of time on youtube, twitter and other social networking sites (including NG) trying to get an idea of the audience reaction to the promos. A mostly positive feedback makes the sun shine brighter and negative feedback gives that horrible sinking feeling.

The beginning of the promos is also the beginning of the fear – the fear of the buzz not being good enough for a big opening weekend, the fear of the movie getting negative WOM. So each and every new promo brings its own excitement as well as more fear (and more internet surfing)

The best and worst time is when the release is only a couple of days away. The advance booking starts. This is the time of frantically checking out bookmyshow.com for the status of advance booking…..
Wednesday afternoon – nothing much happening!
Wednesday evening – is this all?!
Thursday morning – hmmmmm.
Thursday afternoon – this isn’t bad….or is it?
Thursday evening – oh God, what’s gonna happen tomorrow?!

Then the advance critics reviews start trickling in on twitter along with early audience reviews from places like Dubai and Fiji where the film releases a day or two early. One guy in Dubai called the movie a masterpiece! Yayyyy!! Wait……another guy just called it crap! Eeeks! Umm….not to worry…every movie has mixed WOM these days…haha!

The movie finally releases and boxofficeindia.com becomes as important as bookmyshow.com. How was the Friday morning opening? Did BOI say the word of mouth is mixed?! The agony of sitting in office all through Friday, frantically reading every critic and audience review that comes out with fingers permanently crossed. And then office is over and its straight to the neighbourhood theatre – its showtime!!

Or is it? The problem of being a die-hard fan is that one can’t even enjoy his/her favourite actor’s movie fully because half the senses are tuned to the reaction of the audience sitting around. Did they laugh at the right places? Are they involved with the movie? Is that idiot in the fourth row checking his mobile? Does that mean the movie is not able to hold his attention?

Somewhere in my heart of hearts I know when the movie is not up to the mark. But the hope of a fan doesn’t die. After all so many shitty movies go on to become hits, so why not this one? So its back to good old internet – now as eager to follow the box office figures of the movie as the audience feedback. A good opening makes me proud as if it is my personal achievement. A below-par booking has me looking for excuses that involves the drawbacks of everybody associated with the movie other than my favourite actor! So did the movie pick up in the Friday evening shows? Did it fall on Saturday or was it steady? Sunday is usually good but what about Monday?

Some films manage to be steady on Monday and that is the time when all the hard work of the last few months seems to pay off. The film has been accepted! But……more often than not, the movie drops on Monday and the secret fear turns into full blown disappointment. Now his market value will drop, his rivals will move ahead and leave him behind. Not to mention the ridicule I will face from my friends and colleagues for promoting the movie for ages. And of course the negative reviews on NG dripping with sarcasm and ridicule….

Yeah, being a die-hard fan is more hell than heaven. You should know – after all you have been reading this write-up with your favourite actor’s name in place of Shahid. Am I right or am I right? 

Bodyguard premier on Star Gold shatters all TRP records

At 10.0 TVR, the movie emerges as the biggest television premiere since 3 Idiots, ahead of Dabangg & Singham

Neha Saraiya | Delhi | November 16, 2011

After creating a history on box office as the highest grosser, Salman Khan and Kareena Kapoor-starrer Bodyguard has shattered all TRP records on television. The world television premier of Bodyguard on STAR Gold has become the biggest television premiere since 3 Idiots but ahead of Dabangg & Singham. It has recorded 10.0 TVR for its premier on 12th November, 2011. The blockbuster helped the channel garner an all time high of 226 GRPs according to TAM data for week 46.

For the record, 3 Idiots’ premier on Sony on 25th July, 2010 had garnered 10.9 TVR on TAM people meters while Singham’s premier on Star Gold on 10th September, 2011 had garnered 8.7 TVR.
While only around 30mn fans have the watched the movie in theatres so far, an astounding 124 million viewers tuned in to see the movie on November 12 on Star GOLD making Bodyguard one of the biggest and the most successful premieres on TV.

Commenting on this success, Hemal Jhaveri, General Manager Star Gold, added, “We are thrilled with this achievement and the fact that Star GOLD is setting new benchmarks for movie channels. We have always aimed at entertaining our viewers with the best and latest blockbusters. There is much more in store for our viewers this year with the strong line-up of the new titles like Ra-one, Rockstar and Force etc.”
Star Gold had promoted the world TV premiere of Bodyguard across key cities through TV, Outdoor and print. In addition, to all of these, a roadblock unfolded across the Star Network on the 12th of Nov, just before the movie playout.

Ra.One Roasted : Episode 225 - Comedy Show Jay Hind!

Salman Khan – The Enigma They All Love

With “Bodyguard” and “Ready” unbeaten in the box-office stakes, “RA.One” and “Rockstar” out of the reckoning and “Don 2” and “Desi Boyz” not considered great threats to these whoppers at the box-office even if they become major hits, the question that arises again is: What makes Salman Khan’s films tick? And the question simply boils down to What Makes Salman Khan Tick? Correction: What Makes Salman Khan?

India-West spoke to people close to Salman Khan when he was away shooting for “Ek Tha Tiger.” 

SALIM KHAN, Father:

“It is difficult to speak about your son when he is such a big star. If I praise him, I should not sound like an indulgent father. And if I do mention some qualities that I do not like and become absolutely objective, I might hurt or discourage him! I have to strike a balance and perhaps try to see him as everyone else does, or like I would see Dilip Kumar or Amitabh Bachchan,” Khan told India-West.

“People ask me, what do I think of his ‘sudden’ success? I do not know what to say because to me Salman has been successful since ‘Maine Pyar Kiya’! To me then, there was a lot of apprehension whether Salman would make it, because the count of those who do not become successful runs into millions. He was stepping into a risky profession and any failure could shatter his confidence. Very few failures assess themselves clinically and change their profession like I did, after seven years of failure as an actor. And I went to an allied profession, that is, within cinema itself and became a success based on certain indications of a flair for writing stories.

“But in the last 20 years, Salman has made it to the list of those four of five biggest stars. When he first made it, however, it was worry afresh for a father: Will he make the right choices? Will he work hard? Will he look after himself? And will success go to his head? Because the entertainment business is serious business!

“I strongly feel that in the last few years before ‘Wanted’ he had done several indifferent films and that he was not living up to his promise, so I am happy that he has now realized his mistakes.

“I firmly believe that everyone should learn from their own experiences. My children come to me only when they hit roadblocks or are cornered and that’s how it should be: I am happy that they do not come to me for every small trouble for advice! To learn to swim, you have to step into water yourself.

“Salman and I are like friends. We have a wonderful relationship and we drink and celebrate together and we do not need any company or entertainment when we are together. My son is a bundle of contradictions with respect to what he looks for in a woman. He looks for echoes of his mother but one cannot expect the ambitious actresses to whom he had given his heart to become housewives — they are people who want to reach certain heights in their professions. That, I think, explains why he has yet to find a woman who can be his wife.

“Like Arbaaz and Sohail, Salman has seen my stardom as a writer right from childhood and so all of them are grounded. But now that he is such a big star, it is more the family’s responsibility than Salman’s to adjust to his status in the interest of the relationship. No relationship can be static — each one undergoes a lot of changes. As a star, his parents, brothers and closest family members and friends must have a certain decorum, especially in public, when we interact with him. I think that my family and I are clear about this and that is why we are all very close to each other.”

SAJID (on behalf of SAJID-WAJID), Composers

“What can we say about Salman Khan? Suraj ko kabhi aaina dikhaate hai kya? We knew that the level at which he is today was a matter of time, because Salman-bhai has always been true to himself.

“He has always been an elder brother to us. As a man, unnki achhai uss level ki hai ki unnke baaya haath nahin jaanta ki daaya haath kya kya kar raha hai — that is, he is very discreet in all the noble things that he does.

“Today, when a new film of Shah Rukh Khan releases, people say, ‘Shah Rukh ki film lag rahi hai. Kya dikhta hai Shah Rukh! Chalo picture dekhte hain!’ When Aamir’s film comes, they say, ‘Aamir ki picture hai, kuch to hoga, let’s go and watch it.’ But when Salman’s film comes, the sentiment from kids to young people to old men and women is: ‘Apne Salman-bhai ki film aayi hai. Chalo dekhe!’ That’s the kind of emotion he evokes, and that’s because, like with Rajnikanth, Salman’s mega-stardom is not just because of his acting talent or star charisma but about how good a human being he is. We have known Salman now for almost 15 years. Today, he is a man who is India’s first star to have three consecutive films make Rs. 350 crore for the industry within a year! No star has seen that kind of success here. And he is still the same man he was then!

“His work mantra is simple: to be true to himself,” Sajid told India-West. “He has dared to make cinema that has Indian sensibilities and is devoid of vulgarity. He has brought back the larger-than-life hero, the film that everyone wants to watch, the family entertainer and finally the melodious music that had gone out of fashion. Salman relives his childhood fantasies, I think, by acting in the kind of movies he enjoyed then.

“We have learnt so much just by observing him. When he gave us our first break we were so grateful that we asked him what we could give him in return, and he just said, ‘Give me good songs.’ I recall recording ‘Lagan Lagi’ for ‘Tere Naam’ when our career had gone through its worst phase and we were entering a recording studio after over a year. Our confidence was sapped and when he told me to sing out the song in front of everyone, I was hesitating.

“And he said, ‘This is your work. Never hesitate to show your hunar (talent) to anyone. Ek sacche artiste ko kabhi nakhre nahin dikhane chahiye. Logon ko sirf apne kaam se jeeto, phir koi kitna bhi bura soche (Win over people only with your work, then whatever bad things people think about you) you will become successful.’ And he has proved it in such a spectacular way, because Salman practices whatever he preaches.”

DAVID DHAWAN, director

“Salman Khan has always been underrated,” said Dhawan. “He is very serious about his movies. Like Rajnikanth, he improvises his scenes and has this flair for dialogue-baazi that comes from his father Salim Khan. He is never insecure about scenes and other actors, whether it is with Akshay Kumar, Govinda, Sanjay Dutt or anyone else. It was his production ‘Partner’ that saw Govinda’s comeback.

I” have worked with Salman in ‘Judwaa,’ ‘Deewana Mastana,’ ‘Biwi No.1,’ ‘Chal Mere Bhai,’ ‘Dulhan Hum Le Jayenge,’ ‘Mujhse Shaadi Karogi’ and ‘Maine Pyar Kyun Kiya’ as well — no one else has directed him in so many films.  He is someone who is special to me.”

Famous Quotes of Salman Khan

Qutoes from Salman Khan as follows:

On his childhood problems and his father`s second marriage to Helen: It was very difficult in the beginning, when everybody was talking about it. My mother just couldn`t take it. It hurt her terribly. She used to worry all the time, go in to depression frequently. When she cried, we children used to cry with her.

For me acting, comes straight from the heart. In that sense I don`t act at all. I think that to feel the character`s pain I have to be myself. Somewhere audiences see that.

The only person I have hurt is myself.

In life go straight and turn right.

Hang me if I’m guilty.

Don’t need to tweet your fears, have already tweeted how to go throug your fears. TELL ME what makes u happy?

I follow 95% of agreements of all religion and discard the remaining 5% disagreement of religions.

Dad’s pathan, Mom’s rajput, 2nd mom’s christian, in school they asked me what religion: dad said ‘Human’.

Turn your nightmares into your dreams , some dreams don’t turn out the way you want them to , then wake up and turn and turn it around in your favour .

“The court can hang me. I am tired of such lengthy proceedings.”

“If I would have known that, perhaps I would have broken down and broken out of jail.”

“The media also wrote a lot of incorrect facts about me. This did not help me either. The media kept hammering me, but I maintained my silence.”

“The media wanted me to talk about my close friends and family. Why should I? I am in no position to talk about my family life which I intend to keep private. Even my friends would not appreciate being spoken about in the media by me.”

I gave an interview about three weeks ago. Now during this festive time of Eid and Ganesh utsav it has been twisted around and the way it is coming across on tv it is sound insensitive. I was just saying that all lives are equal.. Gareeb Aadmi ho aamir aadmi ho it is the same. Some attacks may get more media coverage than the others. Why is that? I think every human is important. Any act of terrorism any part of the world is unpardonable. A terrorist has no nationality. No religion. No guts. I will had and will always have faith in our intelligence agencies. I have always had faith in our armed forces and police force. I did not mean to hurt anyone’s sentiment and if I have hurt anybody’s sentiment I am really sorry.

I am supporting Zinta’s team, but I haven’t watched any of the matches as yet,

Our films are usually a combination of all things in small proportions. Little bit dance, little bit romance and little bit comedy. But this film has everything in huge proportions, so had to train hard

I have done lot of love stories, lot of comedies, many of them were not appreciated enough. In this film, I had the zest to work hard. I have done that. So, let’s see if it works and if it doesn’t

Just because of few Muslims, billions of the community members face problems, which is not right,

The travel begins again. There r days when I wish I could just shut down all shutters & watch my kids play…aimlessly. Today is that day.

unke saath kaam karo jo aapke liye kaam karte hain- chahe ho woh boss, teacher,MLA ,MP ya Party ho.etc”

“Suna hai ke – politics mein na hi oxford chalta hai aur nahi Harvard. Ya toh FORWARD chalta hai ya phir BACKWARD”

What Stars Have to Say about Salman Khan

Akshay Kumar
Oh, what a man he is! A magnetic man. He is very enthusiastic and co-operative. If you work with him, you can feel how dynamic he is.

Nowadays, as most Hindi films are being made with a number of heroes, I have had a chance to work with a number of them. But working with Salman is a different experience. His lively attitude makes you think positively. We are contemporaries, more or less, and I have learnt a lot from him.

i have soo more wishes but i have to search them

Arbaaz Khan
He is a sensitive human being
As his brother, I’m one of the few people who knows the real Salman Khan and can vouch for the fact that beneath his rough exterior, lies a very sensitive human being. Not many people know of the numerous acts of charity that he has performed. I have seen him break down completely over the suffering of complete strangers. He is a great family person and really cares for his relatives and friends. Like everybody else, he too has some weak spots. He likes to live life to the fullest and this thirst gets him bad publicity at times. Another thing about him is that he says and does the first thing that comes to his mind when provoked. His anger lasts only a few seconds but gets translated as a lifestyle when highlighted by the press. The inability to illustrate his version of events is another of Salman’s shortcomings. If only he treated the media as his friend, half his problems would get solved. I’m the last person to comment on how he should lead his life but one thing I really hope for is that he should settle down soon. Maybe marriage will bring stability to his life.

Aishwarya Rai
He is the sexiest man around!

Hrithik Roshan
” I have always looked up to Salman. He was the one guy who was genuinely happy for me when Kaho Na Pyaar Hai became a hit. There were others too but I could see that Salman was absolutely ecstatic. He has proved to be a good friend.
Salman has been so hurt by people that with him, it’s a case of guilty until proven innocent. He will never let down his guard till he is sure he can trust you. Once he does, he will let you become his friend. But until the time he is judging you, you are guilty. That’s how we Capricorn people are. We share this weird knack of being able to tell who is a nice person and who is n’t.”

Shahrukh Khan 
What can I say about Salman Khan? He is an institution. He can be an example of struggle in one’s life. Any newcomer can get a lesson from Salman. As an actor, you can learn how to drive yourself in every odd situation.

Salman Khan is my friend. I discovered in him a truly emotional person. I can recollect a recent incident when he came and hugged me at Farah Khan’s wedding. I was just overwhelmed. I was at a loss for words. I felt his warmth. I came to know the real Salman Khan. I wish him all the best.

Madhuri Dixit
I have worked with Salman and he is also a good actor. You never know with him, when he is on the sets, whether he is paying attention to what you are doing, but he just carries the roles so well. When it comes to the work, he knows what he is doing.”

Preity Zinta
Salman Khan is a shining hero of our industry. He is a good buddy. We, the people working with him for the last eight years, have gathered colourful experiences from him. He is a fabulous actor and a generous human being whom you cannot refuse at any time. He is sometimes different with others but, in our working life, he is like an emotional friend. He can share his happiness and pathos as an old friend.

He is like a rainbow, where different colours mix with each other.

Priety Zinta
“He (Salman) may not be media savvy, he may be involved in some unfortunate incidents, but Salman at heart is one of the nicest guys I know in the industry, and even outside it. He is constantly being misrepresented in the media and being made a target just because he happens to be a celebrity,”

Rani Mukerji
Sallu means ‘joy of life’. Salman drives his career in his own way. That is why he has made a mark in the industry. I can remember the film Kuch Kuch Hota Hai, where I had a small yet significant role. Even Salman had a cameo in the film. But he stole the hearts of millions with a mind-blowing appearance!

His magical presence on screen, his skill at dancing and his body language are fascinating. That is Salman Khan. He has that rare quality as a hero in our industry who has made his own destiny by sheer willpower. A brilliant, motivated and dedicated man who is always ready to take a risk

Rani Mukerji
Salman Khan of course is the true-blue superstar. He is a combination of child and a man. He is extremely good-looking and extremely popular. Everyone just loves to love him.

Subhash Ghai on working with Salman on Yuvvraaj
I had a great time. He is a very transparent person and an excellent human being. Whatever people may say, trust me, you don’t get people like Salman easily

Sonali Bendre
“I’ve never met anyone funnier than Salman, nor have I laughed as much as while shooting for
Hum Saath Saath Hain. Salman is darn good-looking and has one of the best physiques in the industry. I
enjoyed working with Salman. He’s passionate about his work and enjoys every minute of it.”

http://www.salman-khan.net/quotes.html

Ready Full Movie Starring Salman Khan, Asin(Its Original, not Pirated)

Lessons learned from Ra.One

From Naachgaana

So after following all the reviews, opinions, BO reports and most importantly after watching the movie myself, I wanted to create a lessons learned thread for Bollywood enthusiasts. My short review on the movie is that it seemed like an outdated govinda movie that had been in pipeline and they just wanted the product out without editing the movie or doing test screenings. Comedy was really flat and a Farah Khan choreography was missing to give the songs the value they deserved.

So, without further ado, here are the lessons learned from Ra. One

1) Never trust a film maker who shows you “portions” of the film.

2) Never trust a trade analyst who spends a day in bed with the film maker a week prior to release.

3) Never trust a regular director of the film maker who gives a glowing tweet on the movie on special screening.

4) Never trust a movie that gets Cameo’s added in the last few weeks.

5) Never trust a director who is a hypocrite when it comes to adult content in movies.

6) Never trust a film maker who hogs all the  screens on festive occasion by telling all other big films not to release with it.

7) The gap between SRK and Aamir in Prestige of their movies has widen so much that Aamir is seriously #1 to #5

8) 3Idiots is a phenomenon and no comparisons to this movie shall be made at least until second weekend of a release.

9) SRK can be bashed too. Even genuine fans have had enough manipulation.

10) SRK bought some media but not all the media , hence the backlash is apparent. (See Komal, Joginder and Taran’s negataivity articles)

11) Aamir was right in one famous interview when he said SRK is a PR person. It doesn’t take rocket science to see what SRK and team have been able to achieve with manipulations and paid trade analysts. Last word though “Public sab jaanti hai”

12) There are several ways to SPIN box office collections. The more favor (monetary or otherwise) for trade analysts, the favorable the SPIN.

13) All rumors are not rumors. (Some baba posted on NG a rumor that Ra.One has been getting thumbs down and something like efforts are on to collect as much in week 1. In retrospect, if that was a fluke, What a FLUKE !!! It turned out exactly that way)

14) Until MNIK, there were paid previews, by MNIK we saw paid reviews, and with Ra.one, we have seen Paid BO reports.

15) SRK as a film maker has proven to be so inferior than Aamir khan that a comparison is not even apt.

16) Lakhshmi pooja is a bigger villain than Ra.One for G.One (srk) and got more footage in the first couple of days than Ra.One

17) You can fool some people sometimes but not all the people all the time.

18) Shortcuts are only “shortcuts”.  Stars must learn to pick a good script.

19) Subsidy can make or break the film.

20) WOM is bigger than any 60 crore marketing campain, any 5 star reviews or any 170 crore gross collection articles.

Add your lessons learned, I am sure this can be a chapter in a Bollywood 101 book.

Ra One is a piece of shit. A Fans letter to his Fav Star - Dj

from Naachgaana

Dear SRK, First thing..You Must say sorry to millions of your fans, even to all, who watched this crap. There is nothing wrong to admit your mistake. For the first time i felt ashemed to be your fan. I am not too mush into movie watching, but this is the worst film i have seen. I am saying again this is worst film i have seen of any actor in any language. Even not a single miniute i felt good in the theatre. SRK you said yourself this is not just a film. This is your dream and if your dreams are so cheap then there is something wrong with you. You are working in the industry since 20 years and you took 2-3 year to make this crap ans didn’t knew that what was going wrong with the film is very sad. I read all bashing and trashing of Ra One everywhere. So i went to the movie will very low expectation, still it exceded my worst expectation. You won’t belive but it is true that when end credit rolled i didn’t came out from the theatre with other viewers just because i was afraiding to listen abuses. Shahrukh you and Ra One deserve every abuse, every bashing what you are getting. Some people are saying Ra One is not that bad and the films, who were worse then Ra One, is getting bigger success. I don’t care about other stars films. Ra One was the biggest film and a cherished dream of my most favorate actor. Before release i defend every criticism of this film with tooth and nail. In return you gave me this peice of shit. Shahurkh when going gets tough (read Salman-Aamir) tough gets going. But you are coming with MNIK and Ra One. I mean MNIK was tolarable but Ra One. Seriously SRK you owe a sorry to all.

PS – Though i am very angry with you and ra one. I still don’t loose hope. You have done so much to entertain me. But if you do another film like ra one then i will quit and mind you i am not Mamta benarjee who give false warning.

Box Office : Ready vs Dabangg vs 3 Idiots vs Bodyguard vs Ra.One

	Ready	Dabangg	3 Idiots	Bodyguard	Ra.One
1st Week
Wednesday	N.A	N.A	N.A	21.6	14.75
Thursday	N.A	N.A	2.5	19.5	22.8
Friday	13.28	14.25	12.5	14.08	15.5
Saturday	12.66	16.25	11.5	15.07	14.5
Sunday	16.22	18.75	13.5	18.68	13.5
Weekend Total	42.16	49.25	40	88.93	81.05
Monday	8.07	10.6	11	9.16	5.75
Tuesday	7.32	8.6	9.5	7.34	4.75
Wednesday	6.35	7	9	5.9	3.5
Thursday	5.5	6	10	3.14	2.75
Total 1st Week	69.4	81.45	79.5	114.47	97.8

Ra.One for the Hindi Version, the Tamil/Telegu versions added another 5-6 crore.

5 Complaints Against Ra.One [Review]

Ra.One was supposed to hit a triple home-run. Ra.One was supposed to melt me inside out with its massive scale and mindblowing shimmery effects. Ra.One was supposed to be not just good, but awesomely great, and pave the way for the future of Indian cinema to wake up and smell the digital coffee, rather than sit on that melodramatic Karwa-Chauth and Sagai flavoured couch. Of all the things, Ra.One did manage to possibly give a taster for the things that could be in the future. But at the end of it all, it falls way short of my expectations. Oh how much I wanted to like this movie, but even with the best of my efforts, this movie swings between the extremes of annoying slapstick and total wtf-ery. Of course there is a whole bunch of shit loaded in this vehicle which kept me engaged and entertained. Butthere is a whole bunch of absolute dog poo as well. The script is so flawed and mindless, that I can only facepalm at the thought that the talented makers spent almost 5 years to end up with a product like this. As a faithful consumer of this product, this is my open letter to the makers – Shahrukh Khan, Anubhav Sinha and the writers. Here are my 5 complaints against Ra.One.

P.S. I invite SRK fanbois and gals can actively protest and counter my points in the comments section.

**5 Complaints Against Ra.One**

1. K.I.S.S. (Keep It Simple, Stupid)

KISS is an engineering principle, followed by designers worldwide. So it is indeed such a shame to see the ‘designers’ of Ra.One screwing that principle, in the face. I don’t get what the point is when it comes to writing a simple and straightforward Good vs Evil script. Why would you wander off forcibly injecting unnecessary amounts of slapstick of the “BAD” kind. This is bloody 2011, and no one, absolutely no one enjoys humour of the ‘Rajendranath’ types. I don’t find it funny when SRK has curly hair to justify his Subramaniam lineage. I don’t find it funny when he has to eat curd with noodles. And seriously, what was that thing about Bebo’s thesis on Indian gaalis – in London? Was that a linguistic thesis? How difficult is it to focus on the Good vs Evil theme, by giving us more info about the background of Ra.One / G.One, rather than focussing on SRK’s parenting issues and crotch being hit by a football.

2. Consistency

The movie has a serious issue with consistency. On one hand, SRK’s Shekhar Subramaniam has an issue with being not-so-fluent in Hindi and also being bad with English pronunciation (That MJ impression was atrocious and whoever wrote that scene needs to have a career counselling done right away. Seriously dude, get a day job). But when it comes to delivering idioms to his beloved son Prateek, all of that goes straight out of the window. The man effectively delivers those lines like an Urdu Shaayar in a Lucknow Mushaayra.

Another point to be noted – WTF is this Ra.One game? Is it a simulator, to be played with those Mo-Cap gear, or is it like Virtua Fighter meets Mortal Combat? In the expo, when the game is released, or even when little Prateek gets an exclusive test run in the lab, he has the mo-cap gear on. But this is meant for wider public release on a gaming console – (there are PS3 and nVidia logos flying all across). How does that sum up? If it is indeed a Mo-Cap simulator like XBOX Kinect, then how the fuck did Prateek get a DVD, and start simulating the moves in his home PS3.

Finally, the H.A.R.T. is supposed to be a virtual thing, with no special physical significance. In the real world, it is just another glowing bulb. How does the divide between the real and virtual get bridged? No body cares a single fuck about explaining that to me. Speaking of which, in the final climax fight Level 3 – how the hell did Ra.One, G.One and Prateek go from being inside the lab to being teleported into a virtual map, with burning lava and all the explosions. And how the hell did Prateek get out of it. No answers!

3. Seriously, Lucifer ?!?

Speaking of Prateek, if your son has an online avatar by the name of Lucifer, you have some real thinking to do, than to try and impress him by creating an evil villain, or writing a thesis on Indian feminisation of swear words. This is a 10-11 year old we are talking about, who by the looks of it, likes Iron Maiden’s Eddie (which is great), MJ’s Bad (again great), but bullies around fat kids in the class. And we are supposed to root for him? If it was me, I’d get that little bastard bitch slapped in the face and teach some manners first.

Further, there is not even a moment spent on explaining Prateek’s genius in coding, and how a 10 yr old gets around with fiddling the source code of apparently a programme which has complex AI logic, when all we know of him is his ability to identify if a PC is connected to LAN or not. Logic fucked in the earhole.

4. Sanju and Piggy Chops.

Sanju Baba’s sleepwalking routine continues even outside his Housefull and Dhamaal movies, and in a brief cameo (thank God for that!), he shows how really really bad (in the worst way possible) can a Khalnayak be. And skimpily clad, lady in red Priyanka Chopra does nothing to make it look good. The whole dream sequence was just another ‘najaayaz’ opportunity to show off SRK’s packs.

5. The curse of Level 3

Finally, the mother of all complaints. This is supposed to be an awesome game, with an awesome villain. And it has just 3 levels. And oh, if you don’t have the HART, no one dies. How stupid of the villain to not have figured that out? Seriously, would you buy a game for say £40.00, with just 3 levels?

Besides, what is Ra.One’s motive?  To get even with Lucifer who kicked his ass in the first two levels. What will he do when he’s done killing Lucifer? What would then be his purpose? A bald Arjun Rampal roaming around streets of London, like a hungry Hobo, shooting red Rasengans. A hero is only as good as his villain. And with the limited menacing factor of Ra.One, G.One is reduced to just a techno baby sitter. Not a really good role for a superhero capable of jumping through roofs and shooting those Kapow energy balls.

Of course there are a few more complaints that’s burning up my mind.

#. Like what is with Satish Shah’s compulsive obsession with power yoga’s connection with the pelvic thrust?

#. All Chinese are not Jackie Chan..but this one knows Kung Fu..fo sho!

#. A gaming convention in London, and the lady (Shahana Goswami) addresses the audience in Hindi. And all my European mates nod in agreement. Also, this so called tech-aware junta get totally bowled over by a Hologram projection.

#. What is with the sheer amount of booty popping, booby groping, and crotch kicking? So many bruised bollocks!

To conclude, to me, Ra.One was a mixture of these complaints, and a string of other stuff which I quite liked. And hence, it is a mixture of some goodness and some absolute crap. I will be discussing the 5 awesome things about Ra.One in part 2 of the review. For the time being, comment away in the comments section below.

And just for the record – the OKS rating for the movie: 2.5 Condom Condom out of 5

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