Comment: The SRK-Salman conundrum

Aniruddha Guha

In the early ’90s, it was perfectly normal to be a fan of both Salman Khan and Shah Rukh Khan. It was a time when there were no ‘camps’; neither had there been a much-publicised brawl between the two actors, with different versions from people who claimed to have been ‘at the spot’ when it happened. There were surely no opening weekend wars then. There was a sense of competitiveness, yes; the media often pitted the two against the third Khan, Aamir, as upcoming stars fighting for the top spot, which has remained consistent over two decades. But there was certainly no pressure on fans to side with one or the other.

In 1995, as a school kid, I found myself liking both heroes. The dark, scrawny Shah Rukh had impressed me with his simplicity and sincerity in Kabhi Haan Kabhi Naa, while Salman was the dude who had created magic with Aamir in Andaz Apna Apna. In Karan Arjun, Rakesh Roshan’s sappy revenge drama about two brothers who are reborn to avenge the wrongs done to their mother, they scorched the screen with their chemistry. Both of them — young and even awkward — played off each other’s contrasting personalities beautifully.

In the years to come, their off-screen friendship and the ensuing rivalry was well-documented. Pictures of them hugging at Farah Khan’s wedding (or was it sangeet?) after a brief fallout was splashed across newspapers and tabloids, with emotion-tinged articles about how the two were back to being besties.

Then followed the ‘fight’ at Salman’s then girlfriend Katrina Kaif’s party — Raada, as a tabloid headline declared it — and it was never the same again. Stories of how the film industry is divided in two clear camps since have become commonplace now; someone considered close to one star is thought of to be the other’s enemy.

More importantly, there seems to have been a clear demarcation among fans — it seems like it is imperative for them to choose between the two actors now, which amounts to not only having good things to say about their favourite, but also having to be vocal against the other. On the eve of any film release, for example, you will find one actor’s fans trying to bring down the other, and vice versa. And anyone who has anything nice to say about the other’s film is the enemy.

Recently, after having panned Bodyguard in my review of the film, I was sent a barrage of comments from Salman Khan fans, accusing me of being part of the Shah Rukh camp. On Twitter, Shah Rukh fans wrote to me, complimenting my critiquing skills and making it clear that Ra.One was the film I should really look forward to.

For the last three days, following my review of Ra.One — which I consider to be a half-baked attempt at the sci-fi genre, and an opportunity squandered — the same Shah Rukh fans are convinced I am the worst film critic there can be. How could I not love a film starring their god, they demand, throwing at me opening weekend box office numbers. But this too has a silver lining. Salman fans are now seeing me in a new light, convinced that I am on their side. One even complimented me for not compromising on my integrity, while SRK fans were sure that I had been paid a fat cheque from the Salman camp.

Sadly, though, I didn’t make any side income in either case, nor was I invited to a secret ‘success’ party. Instead, I had to contend with mere solace from fellow-reviewers who shared my opinion, and had been treated to similar name-calling on Twitter and other public platforms.

Die-hard fans clearly don’t differentiate between actors and their films. As long as their favourite star is present from first frame to last, a coherent plot is inconsequential and engaging storytelling unimportant. Akshay Kumar fans are probably the staunchest. No one has delivered more drivel with as much regularity over the past few years as Kumar, yet they continue to endorse every new film of his. The same could be said about Aamir’s or Ajay Devgn’s or Hrithik Roshan’s fans — for many of them, the actor is bigger than the film itself.

But the Shah Rukh-Salman conundrum is the weirdest of them all, pitting fans of one against the other unlike with other actors. While the battle lines seem to be drawn, I imagine Karan Arjun’s maa optimistic about her sons returning from death to disapprove.

http://www.dnaindia.com/india/column_comment-the-srk-salman-conundrum_1605296 

An open letter to SRK

Dear SRK,

First and foremost, let me congratulate you on creating the biggest ‘product’ in the history of Indian cinema. I call Ra.One a product simply because it’s not just about the mind-blowing (literally) experience you have provided in the theatre. It’s about the constant & consistent torture we have been through, ever since you started ‘dreaming’ about taking Bollywood a ‘step ahead’.

I have never been a fan of your acting skills except for maybe three movies. First (DDLJ) when I knew nothing about cinema or acting. I just wanted to be Raj Malhotra, not because you inspired me to be a better person, but because I wanted to get laid and my acne-prone face combined with zero conversation skills was just jealous of your onscreen persona. Second & third (Swades & Chak De) are probably your best movies till date. To be honest, according to me, you were incredibly believable in the movie only because you chose not to be yourself and stopped your gimmicky acts.

Having said that, I have been the biggest fan of your marketing skills. You, Sir, are a beast when it comes to doing justice to the product you endorse. Nobody, and I mean nobody, can do a better job than you at providing value for money to your investors. If you ever think about conducting lectures on marketing & promotion skills, I promise I’ll even pay to be there. (Provided it’s affordable, which I highly doubt.)

Anyway, that’s all in the past. The present belongs to you and Ra.One (The movie, not Arjun Rampal).

I’ll be honest; I was forced to watch your movie. I tried my level best to get out of the evil plan conspired by my mother & my wife, and I failed. But, as they say, at times, there are blessings in disguise. I am glad I went for the movie. I have learned a lot & contrary to the popular opinion, I found many social messages hidden in this epic movie.

I loved the way in which you summed up the reasons behind the global recession. You did it in the very first scene. The investors & stockholders should lose money if they invest without the thorough knowledge of what they are investing into. It was great to see big-chested Shahana Goswami talk in Hindi in front of foreign delegates and then watching them jump around like bunch of schoolgirls about a technology, which evolved a decade ago!

You then went on to show the power of dreams. I thought that the longhaired girl, who acted as your son in the movie, was exceptional. For me, she was the real star of the movie. I was surprised to know that she wasn’t the director of the movie.

I can’t even begin to express my joy when I saw Kareena Kapoor. No, not because she looked like the yummy white butter made from fresh milk, but for her first few dialogues. It’s been long since someone took a stand about woman’s empowerment in Bollywood commercial movies. Her strong desire for eradicating all the abuses directed towards mothers & sister and starting a new trend with cussing the fathers & brothers is applause worthy. Also, considering the fact that you have promoted this movie keeping in mind the children of today’s India, it makes perfect sense to teach them the art of cussing from an early age. Terms like, Iski lee, Uski lee, Sabki lee, Condom-condom, Bhai ka bhocha, Tere baap ka poda etc would have definitely made a strong impact on the young minds. Bravo!

I wondered at first, as to why would you change your look so drastically that the audience would fail to even recognize you? Slowly, I understood the reason. You wanted to give hope to the many millions who have no etiquettes, lack common sense and are downright cowards with zero self respect but still desire to nail a hot chick. The specially designed pubic hairpiece was a masterstroke. Your South Indian accent was unreal but what was most noteworthy was the fact how effortlessly you forgot about the accent & spoke in fluent Hindi in most of the scenes. Also, I loved the way you butchered Michael Jackson’s steps in front of your children; a fitting reply to someone who did “BAD” things to these little angels.

In your earlier movies you have ventured with the thought of loving your family but in this movie, you have hit the nail right on the head. It’s all about keeping your children happy. The way you listen to your son & went out of your way to fulfill his unrealistic & almost stubborn demands was incredibly…erm, believable. If it were me, I would have slapped the little rascal and grounded him for days. Again, young minds watching this movie would have benefitted a lot by seeing your son banging the door on your face or calling you a coward in the middle of the road and getting away with it. It makes me really happy to know that the young India will now use the same language with their parents to get their work done. Wow!

You, Sir, have given out the gutsiest possible reply to the world. Not only did you outsource the music to the Americans, you followed it by mocking the black singer in one of your songs. This, to me, is the best example of India shining. We are not dependent on any of the first world countries; we have massive egos and even bigger bank balance to back it up. You have made me really proud. Thank you!

Most, if not all, of us fear death. But dare I say, I’m looking at it from a completely different perspective ever since I have seen your movie. I am thinking of canceling my insurance policies & other investment plans and buying a robot clone. If your movie is to be believed, a wife can get over her husband’s death even before the glycerin is wiped off her face. A child can forget about his father’s death and move on with life as long as he is given a ‘cool’ video game for company. Infact, the ungrateful child will value, respect & accept the game far easier than he ever did with his father. Question, why didn’t you approach Fast Track for merchandise for these ‘We move on faster than the speed of light’ sequence of events in the movie? Also, it was incredibly brilliant of you to show that different religions can co-exist. Just two scenes & all the bitterness go away; Kareena was shown sprinkling the ‘ash’ after they have buried your dead body. Marvelous, I tell you!

I admire the manner in which you kept your audience guessing about the true origin of Kareena’s character. Her sudden Punjabi accent in the second half threw me off a little but I figured that you were probably hinting that we should remain true to the country rather than from specific states. Hindi is our national language and the accent should not matter. Infact, we should keep changing our accents as often as possible. Fuckin ace of a thought!

Needless to say, only a genius like yourself could manage to keep Arjun Rampal a secret, not just during the promotions but also, throughout the movie.

This movie is a giant leap for the special effects in Bollywood. Without a shadow of a doubt, Ra.One is the best-animated movie I have seen under any Indian banner. My only disappointment was Chitti. I thought you could have ridiculed Rajnikanth slightly more by making Chitti look even shittier. It’s clear that you tried your best, but I think you left some room for improvement. Also, what was wrong with that Chinese dude? Why was he acting like a machine once he was transformed into a machine? I mean, shouldn’t a new comer like him take notes from you and learn that even machines must have feelings and hamming expressions? He showed some potential but failed miserably by playing the role of a machine absolutely perfectly. Sigh!

As I mentioned earlier, you make every penny worth the troubles. Nobody could have even dared to show so many Hollywood movies in less than 2 & half hours. I mean, you stopped the train like Spiderman, saved your heroine & brought her to ground likeBatman, had a big hole in your chest with a fitting energy source like Ironman, protected the mother/son like a Terminator, rode a Tron bike and displayed a hero/villain rivalry straight from the Gerrard Butler movie – Gamers. Everything, in the price of one. Just one Bollywood movie encapsulates six of the biggest Hollywood blockbusters. Take a bow, dear writers!

I ended up spending around Rs. 1000, which seemed a lot at that moment. I was pissed, but soon after reaching home, I realized that the overpriced tickets were really your biggest contribution to the society. I did some mental calculations and realized that in Rs. 1000, I would have bought 200 cigarettes, which, in turn, would have reduced my life by 36.5 hours (yeah, one cigarette reduces life by 11 minutes).  By watching your movie, I lost only 2.5 hours of my life. So, technically, I gained 34 hours of my life. All thanks to you!

Last but certainly not the least, I would like to thank you for answering the oldest question known to mankind. “How many lawyers/presidents/cricketers/musicians/monkeys does it take to change a light bulb?” Answer is simple, it takes only one, yes ONE, Rupees 150 Crore dreamer who mouths songs by an International artist, romances Arjun Rampal disguised as Kareena Kapoor, invades the privacy of a billion Indians, gives crap a new definition and runs to the banks laughing like a true Baadshah.

Finally, I sincerely hope that the following groups of people watch your movie:

 

Aspiring MBA students.

· I am not sure what most management colleges teach, but you have surely taught one of the biggest lessons to these young boys and girls. It’s simple; the end product does not matter as long as everyone is hammered with non-stop promotions. You need not have any concept to the promotions as long as you can buy out each & every medium of branding. The age old saying is indeed true, “paisa fekh, tamasha dekh.”

 Salman Khan & Akshaye Kumar loyalists.

· If they thought that nothing could get worse than Tees Maar Khan or Bodyguard, you came along and proved them wrong. I have the utmost respect for you for enforcing the fact that there is always scope for improvement.

Aspiring Bollywood writers.

·I sincerely hope that these guys watch your movie on repeat mode. Hopefully, they’ll choose another profession unless they have enough contacts to find themselves a big star to promote their movies or easily get ‘inspired’ by other movies.

Koreans, Japanese & Chinese nerds

·These guys are doing it wrong. I hope they watch the movie & learn that creating the most complexed game & then bringing the characters to life is, in reality, a child’s play. All you need are four fancy screens with Matrix screensaver, ability to hit keyboard without typing anything and most important, an understanding mother like Kareena.

People who doubt their gut feeling and drift in life

· I knew for a fact that this movie will be a big torture the moment I saw the first poster printed on the very first day of this year. I knew for a fact that the movie will break all the existing box office records without being a good cinema. I knew for a fact I will regret watching this movie. Unfortunately, I gave in to my family’s emotional drama and saw your ‘dream’ on big screen. I hope my experience is a lesson to those who doubt their gut feelings and start following their heart rather than the bullshit that surround us at all times.

Notes:

·   You looked the best for precisely 2 minutes & 20 seconds. It was during the promotion of Don 2.

·    Kareena Kapoor can be my chammak challo, anyday!

·    The loudest laughter during the epic was for the new History channel advert shown during the intermission. It featured Salman Khan.

·    I may have completely misinterpreted the movie thanks to my heavily diminished intellect.

·    You have lost a lot of loyal fans but have gained me, a new believer of “What doesn’t kill you; makes you stronger.”

·    This is not a movie review. I am not as educated, qualified or paid as Taran Adarsh.

Thank you, SRK. Thank you so very much.

http://thebigdowg.wordpress.com/2011/10/31/an-open-letter-to-srk/

'Dil Deewana' from 'Maine Pyaar Kiya'

Salman Khan’s fanatic fan following on social media

MUMBAI: In a really unique experience Salman Khan’s Bodyguard is currently trending in India on Twitter, at the time when Shah Rukh Khan’s Ra.One has just released. The power of fans that Salman Khan holds on social media is unparalleled. One Twitter user with handle @Hishh said, “So despite of al d marketin revolutions, Bhai shows who is d real daddy. #RaOne couldnt reach upto #BodyGuard first day collection is d news”.

This primarily happened because of the comparison for the opening day collection of both the movies. The Times of India reported opening day Ra.One collection of Rs. 22 crores in India with headline “RA.One snatches Day one honours”, but this is completely untrue, and it has already led to a complete chaos and frenzy within the industry circles as the net collection of Shah Rukh Khan’s Ra.One were Rs. 14.7 Crores.

This caused all the Salman Khan fans to start ReTweeting the correct figures, and state that actually Ra.One has not beaten Bodyguard’s opening day collection figure in India, well resulting into making #Bodyguard trend in India on Twitter.

Salman Khan today has a lot of fan power combined on entire social media, and even without his single Tweet his tremendous fan following caused his previous movie ‘Bodyguard’ trending on a day when even his film is not releasing.

To Phir aao

'The Other side of the truth' by smilesandlaffs

No one is a saint and no one is a complete sinner. They are all grey areas. When we step outside, we face hostility and competition. It begins at KG stage itself. Our parents pour into our ears to come first, come what may. The coaching classes syndrome starts in some cases, at the nursery level itself. Because it is a competitive world. Dog eat dog world. Next entrance tests, CAT,JEE, GRE. Get into some prestigious professional college or Ivy League, Or those Oxford Cambridge if we fail India test. It is easier to get admission out there than at home because of various quotas, stiffest merit based selection and discrimination. And then job hopping and working under Hitler type bosses or inefficient ones.

If our common life has so much competition and acrimony, why cant we accept that Bollywood heroes and heroines thrive on planning, intrigue everything to get oneupmanship? Afterall the stakes are so high.  Every one of them is highly competitive and whatever they may say publicly, they are critical of their rival’s achievement.

Aamir Khan strives to achieve that coveted position by sheer hardwork, call it labour and the results are showing. We are getting reasonably good movies which are entertaining as well. One can understand his rivalry with SRK and this rivalry is not harming anyone except his rivals who are threatened. So what is the big deal if he is openly critical of SRK’s films or acting? Atleast he is not hypocritical or wearing a mask. SRK is his competitor and Aamir acknowledges this fact by his deeds.  No one is doing any charity here.

As for SRK, he is no dhoodh ka dhula hua bachcha. Everyone knows how he got those awards and how the media houses played one against the other. Once he knew the weakness of the media, he started cultivating them, giving interview after interview with quotable quotes and made friends with many critics just like a businessman does. Get a good PR man and you will be all over the world. To his credit, he has charisma and sometimes acts well. He has to face competition and hostility just like others. He cannot escape that just because he lost his parents early and he loves his family. No need to shed tears.

Salman in Eid, Christmas 2012

Salman Khan will have two releases in 2012. One at Eid [EK THA TIGER] and the other at Christmas [DABANGG 2]. Read on…

Ever since Arbaaz Khan tweeted on Monday morning that DABANGG 2 will start filming in March 2012 and will be released in Christmas 2012, people within and outside the industry seem to be discussing whether Christmas 2012 will witness the clash of the two mighty Khans -- Aamir [DHOOM 3] and Salman [DABANGG 2]. But the fact is DHOOM 3 has been shifted to 2013. 

Arbaaz was forthcoming when this writer spoke to him, "All I know is that Bhai [Salman Khan] has told me to start filming DABANGG 2 by March 2012, so that we can release the film by Christmas next year. I have locked the script. I am currently having music sittings with Sajid-Wajid. I am raring to go ahead. I can state with surety that DABANGG 2 is confirmed for Christmas 2012." 

Just last week, Aamir had requested Salman to move the date of EK THAT TIGER from June to Eid. Now Aamir seems to have vacated Christmas for Salman. Dosti ho to aisi!

Salman Sketch